oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
