you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
