I wanna bring you to show and tell
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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