I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
