yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
