I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sorry about my life...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
