dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
