dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that's an acceptable place to lick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
