god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
