so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
