the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
