You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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