mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
