I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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