Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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