Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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