I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
