worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
