we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
