I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
