oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
