if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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