as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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