Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
