They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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