i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
