Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
