I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
