Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
