I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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