weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
