i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
