I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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