Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
