bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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