so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
