well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
