Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
