A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
