you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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