and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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