If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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