Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
