All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
