we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
