I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
