Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
