There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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