its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
