I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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