i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
