the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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