where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize