accomplished twins. life is a go
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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