I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is wine microwaveable?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
