Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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