There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
