First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
