The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
NoShamevember. You game?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
