My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
