Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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