I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
