Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
