The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Randomize
