Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want her autograph on my taint
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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