last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
