the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
