i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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