life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
