walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
