Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
