She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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