i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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